just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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