no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
