dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
