I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
