Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
