Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
