i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
