I haven't been this sober since birth.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
