Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need moral support for this bender
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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