and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
