i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The best revenge is premature balding
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
