worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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