Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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