Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
