You work out of a Hotel?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
