sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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