I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
