Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
