I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
