he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
