the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
