youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
