hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
