I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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