What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
