I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
