is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
