He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
