just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
