I just made out with a guy for $7.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
