oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
