only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
