so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
