I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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