dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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