Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
