Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A+ Viking dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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