You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
