Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
