just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
