Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
