I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
