i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
