Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
