He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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