I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
