At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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