Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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