I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
