Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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