FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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